30 June 2015

Don’t be suckered by a psychopath

avoid psychopaths

In light of two high profile prison escapes involving insiders, it is obvious that the insiders were overwhelmed by the prisoners emotionally. We must be ready. We must be alert to prevent our having relationships of any type. If we are not alert, we may be used, manipulated, by the psychopath.

The Hare Personality profile is the most common (also see here and here). The diagnosis from the DSM that are usually used are antisocial personality disorder and dissocial personality disorder. The Triarchic model lists three main characteristics.

  1. Boldness—as in a lack of fear regardless of the situation. This is coupled with an over confident attitude.

  2. Disinhibition—as in poor impulse control, lack of foresight, and demand for instant gratification.

  3. Meanness—as in a lack of empathy, lack of closeness to others, use of cruelty to gain what they want, and defiance of authority.

The most telling is the overwhelming charm and (supposed, perceived) personal interest in you. If you or I fall for this, we will be used, manipulated.

The Bible has an example in the person of Nimrod. See here, here, and here
(see notes on verse 8). He is self-seeking, rebellious, and self-glorifying.

  1. Cush fathered Nimrod, who became the first fearless leader throughout the land. He became a fearless hunter in defiance of the LORD. That is why it is said, "Like Nimrod, a fearless hunter in defiance of the LORD." (Genesis 10:8-9 ISV)

  2. Cush fathered Nimrod. He became the first powerful ruler on the earth. (1 Chronicles 1:10 ISV)

The person the Bible labels as the Anti-Christ is also such a person. He is both against Christ (Jesus) and a pretender (that he is god). Read more here.

  1. The people living at that time will, in general, be looking for a military, financial, social leader to conquer the chaos that exists in the last days.

  2. He will have a plan. He will preach a message, "The world will be destroyed. The only hope for the earth and its inhabitants is to follow my plan. Everybody must follow my plan or we will be destroyed. Everyone must follow my plan for it to be successful." Naturally those who do not follow his plan must be destroyed.

We must be alert. Somebody might try to manipulate us.

  1. "Be sober; be on the alert. Your adversary the devil walks around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. " (1 Peter 5:8, LEB)

  2. "So then, we should not be sleeping like the others; we should be awake and sober." (1 Thessalonians 5:6, GNB92)

  3. "The end of all things is near. You must be self-controlled and alert, to be able to pray. " (1 Peter 4:7, GNB92)

It seems that these traits are nothing more than a very thick façade for the real person inside. The inside person, the real person, must continuously be hidden and suppressed. One might learn this manipulation as a child who found they could use the charm to get what they want. Being that every person is evil. Other characteristics of the child is in their personality, namely, fearlessness and impulsivity. See here for a personal testimony/advice from a psychiatrist (this view-point is not necessarily Christian).

If a psychopath truly repents and puts their trust into Jesus, they need to go to all those whom they have hurt and make things right. This must be done in a brief encounter because these victims will think you are still trying to manipulate them. One of the important things they would need to pray and learn about is empathy. These two links have somewhat non-Christian approach—here and here.

My opinion—

For parents

  1. It is especially important for the first two years of life to have a close and time investing relationship between mother and infant. This isn't "quality" time of 30 minutes a day. It is more like hours a day. The baby and mother spend a lot of time (hours) together bonding in smiling, laughing, talking, touching, etc. together. Dad is important and needs to spend time as well, but he is not as important at this time.

  2. Dad and mom taking time to be together with the child present. Dad and Mom need to treat each other with love, kindness, and empathy.

  3. Dad needs to take the child with him on errands and chores. Mom needs to do the same. The child can learn by seeing and feeling togetherness, successes and failures. How do Mom and Dad deal with these things?

  4. Dad, especially, needs to read, study the Bible, and pray with the family consistently and with meaning (it is not just a boring chore/requirement).

For adults who did not have this empathy training as children

  1. Learn to listen, not just hear. Stop what you are doing and really listen. Take the time it needs to listen to the other person. It may be 10 minutes or more. Shut up and listen. Don't form opinions and start to give your advice. Wait and listen.

  2. Try to relate to what the other person is going through (being in their shoes idea).

  3. Keep quiet. Do not offer advice. Just listen. When the other person is done, work together to solve the problem or at least, deal with it.

  4. Don't start judging the other person or thinking you are better than them (as in "I would never be as stupid as this"). Don't label someone. Look at them as a person, not a label (as in "welfare mom" or "terrorist."

  5. Read the life of Jesus in the Gospels starting with Mark. See how He shows empathy, sympathy, and kindness. Read how He dealt with persecution, false witness, and verbal and physical abuse. Then imitate Him in what you face and live with. Show others the same kindness and compassion that Jesus showed and lived in His life on earth.

  6. Purposefully go out of your way to help someone. Maybe visit a nursing home or some other place where people might be lonely.

  7. Pray for God to help you. Talk with someone else who will listen, too.

  8. Resist bullying, impulsiveness, arrogance, and self-destructive behavior. God will bring it to your mind that you are doing this. So quit, walk away, get away from it, and avoid it. It will be hard, but each time you do this, it will be easier and eventually become a habit.

  9. This won't happen in a day. It takes practice. With God's help you can do it.

How to handle a psychopath.

  1. Be aware of charm. Be aware of their story telling, their wonderful deeds, and their answer to humanity's pressing needs.

  2. Be aware of false contrition. They may show remorse, but it is only to get out of trouble.

  3. Deal and know the truth. Be skeptical. It might take some research to see if that person is telling the truth. It is not what they say is truth, but truth is truth. Study truth.

  4. Deal with reality. One may live their life telling people that they are Jesus or the Virgin Mary. They truly believe it. But where is reality? The person you are talking with might make claims of doing famous things or being a famous person or knowing famous people. It is also called fact-checking. Check it out!

  5. When you present evidence of their exaggerations with the truth, beware that they will not accept your findings. Instead they will attack you—your character, your mentation, your facts, your nose, whatever. You cannot talk a psychopath out of their lies, but you don't have to give in and believe them. They want power over you, so resist the temptation to wilt under their talk and actions.

  6. Don't tell them anything about your family, your friends, your finances, your weaknesses or temptations. They will use that information against you, to manipulate you.

  7. Remember they are evil.

  8. Remember that they look out for themselves and only for themselves.

  9. Point out to them that what they are saying is a lie (if it is). Then when they try to berate you, stay firm, do not given in. They will eventually find someone else.

  10. If they continue to harass and try to manipulate you, document everything and report it to authorities if you need to. Don't tell the psychopath you are doing the documentation.

  11. If they lie, break a promise, or neglect a responsibility (work, pay bills, etc.), forgive them the first time, but if it happens again. Leave and stay away.

  12. If they tell you that they can leave, that it will crush them, that they can't handle being without you, then realize they have no compassion, they cannot be hurt. Their feelings and compassion is dead and nonexistent.

  13. Avoid them. They will find someone else. As said before you cannot hurt their feelings, because they don't have any.

  14. Don't give in to them about money, sex, or doing something for them. They will blackmail you and control you.

  15. Don't feel sorry for them and give in to them even one time. They will use that against you next time.

  16. Live your life consistently. Do NOT talk how to live but live differently. Let your talk and walk match.

  17. Be compassionate and defensive of animals, the sick, the elderly, children, and the poor.

  18. If you are sucked in by a psychopath and realize it, forgive yourself. Don't beat yourself up. You wised up and got out. You now have experience. Use your experience to help others and remind yourself that you could be suckered in again.

  19. Remember that Jesus is the good shepherd. The psychopath is a raging wolf.

    1. "I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down His life for the sheep. " (John 10:11, EMTV)

    2. "He will feed His flock like a shepherd; He will gather the lambs with His arm, And carry them in His bosom, And gently lead those who are with young." (Isaiah 40:11, NKJV)

    3. "Jesus got out of the boat, and when he saw the large crowd, his heart was filled with pity for them, and he healed their sick." (Matthew 14:14, GNB92)

  20. "For let not anyone of you suffer as a murderer, or a thief, or an evildoer, or as a meddler in other people's affairs; " (1 Peter 4:15, EMTV)

  21. "Let your way of life be without loving money, being satisfied with what you have. For He Himself has said, "By no means shall I desert you, nor in any way shall I forsake you;" so that being confident, we may say: "The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?" " (Hebrews 13:5-6, EMTV)

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