(Ephesians 6:1-4 WPNT) Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise—“that it may go well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
B1 Children obey your parents
C1 It is right
C2 It is commanded
D1 First commandment with promise
D2 "Honor your father and mother"
D3 "That it may go well with you, and you may live long on the earth."
D1 The word for obey is G5219 ὑπακούω hypakoúō. It means
E1 Literally, to hear under
E2 We understand it as listen to be able to follow instructions, so as to obey.
F1 The wind and sea heard the Lord Jesus and calmed (Matthew 8:27).
F2 People listen to and obey fleshly lusts (Romans 6:12).
F3 People listening to and obeying the Gospel (Romans 10:16).
E3 It is translated obey and listen (Acts 12:13).
D2 The word for honor is G5091 τιμάω timáō.
E1 Literally, to assign a value to. The Lord Jesus’s assigned value was only 30 pieces of silver (Matthew 27:9).
E2 It is used to honor God, parents, widows, and all people (1 Peter 2:17).
E3 The Lord Jesus honored His father in John 8:49, so I should be proud of my dad (proud in a good sense).
E4 Some dads are not worthy of honor because they are abusive.
C1 Do not provoke your children to anger
D1 Provoke is
E1 G3949 παροργίζω parorgízō. It means to make angry, bitter, going from a calm state to wrath.
E2 In English: to deliberately try to make someone angry (Source).
F1 1 Samuel 20:30-34 NRSV Then Saul's anger was kindled against Jonathan. He said to him, "You son of a perverse, rebellious woman! Do I not know that you have chosen the son of Jesse to your own shame, and to the shame of your mother's nakedness? (31) For as long as the son of Jesse lives upon the earth, neither you nor your kingdom shall be established. Now send and bring him to me, for he shall surely die." (32) Then Jonathan answered his father Saul, "Why should he be put to death? What has he done?" (33) But Saul threw his spear at him to strike him; so Jonathan knew that it was the decision of his father to put David to death. (34) Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food on the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, and because his father had disgraced him.
F2 1 Samuel 1:6-7 NRSV Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her, because the LORD had closed her womb. (7) So it went on year by year; as often as she went up to the house of the LORD, she used to provoke her. Therefore Hannah wept and would not eat.
F3 1 Kings 16:33 NRSV Ahab also made a sacred pole. Ahab did more to provoke the anger of the LORD, the God of Israel, than had all the kings of Israel who were before him.
D2 What are the most common ways we as fathers do this? Here’s a helpful list from Lou Priolo.
Lack of marital harmony
Establishing and maintaining a child-centered home
Modeling sinful anger
Habitually disciplining in anger
Being inconsistent with discipline
Having double standards
Not admitting you’re wrong and not asking for forgiveness
Constantly finding fault
Parents reversing God-given roles
Not listening to your child’s opinion or taking his or her ‘side of the story’ seriously
Comparing them to others
Not making time ‘just to talk’
Not praising or encouraging your child
Failing to keep your promises
Chastening in front of others
Not allowing enough freedom
Allowing too much freedom
Mocking your child
Abusing them physically
Ridiculing or name calling
Child training with worldly methodologies inconsistent with God’s Word
C2 Bring them up (cherish them to train them) them in
D1 Nurture (education, instruction) of the Lord
D2 Admonition (calling attention to, mild rebuke, or warning (Thayer’s) of the Lord
B3 Our motive:
C1 Our motive is to please God in doing what is right.
C2 Teach by our life, example, and guidance self-control and expecting it from the children. Included in this would be to learn to sit still so they can learn in church, school, etc.
B4 Instruction of the Lord
C1 Instruction is constructive criticism with encouragement.
C2 "You have done well, but here is a few tips of doing better."
D1 1 Corinthians 10:11 NRSV These things happened to them to serve as an example, and they were written down to instruct us, on whom the ends of the ages have come.
D2 Titus 3:10 NRSV After a first and second admonition, have nothing more to do with anyone who causes divisions.
B5 Of the Lord
C1 The Lord's way. The way God educates and instructs.
C2 Parents are to teach their children how to be the type of man or woman God wishes.
C3 With the help and approval of God.
B1 God is our example of how to live.
B2 God wants us to be successful as He defines it.
B3 God children to be successful as He defines it.
B4 We must be consistent in thoughts, desires, words, and deeds.
B5 Our home should be God centered, then spouse centered (after the child turns 2), but not child centered. Your spouse is more important than your child.