This comment was received on Love Honor Vacuum:
I’m sorry to be so blunt, but no woman in the world is worth the aggravation you guys described. It seems to me that, before marriage, women are usually “hot to trot,” but once they get control of your life and (mostly) your wallet, they turn off the spiggot, and make everything into a thankless chore. After listening carefully to the whole podcast, I admit to being a little like Aquaman. What I heard was “somethin’, somethin’, somethin’, no sex for you.”
Even men who take their “shepherding” role seriously, get to the point of desperation. We usually have ONE item on our list of Requirements-for-a-good-marriage. Women seem to have 100 or more.
And if we don’t fulfill all 100 to perfection on a daily basis, they feel justified in becoming serial refusers. It seems to me that the problem your ministry you need to work hardest to defeat with is women and their OUTRAGEOUSLY UNREALISTIC expectations. It is those unmeetable expectations that are destroying marriages today; not porn, not affairs, and certainly not “evil white men” and their “evil penises.” It’s women and their insurmountable “Prince Charming Complex.”
You can read the response at the link about.
This man, Bill, is either ignorant, willfully ignorant, or evil. It appears from his last statement that he wants sex on his demand and ignores his wife’s feelings. He needs to submit to his wife’s feelings, too.
B1 Submitting to one another: Ephesians 5:21 NIV Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
B2 He needs to love his wife as HIMSELF: Ephesians 5:33 CSB To sum up, each one of you is to love his wife as himself, and the wife is to respect her husband.
The Bible teaches oneness in marriage. This is oneness in body, soul, and spirit.
When we say oneness we are not referring to Eastern religious oneness. Oneness is understood to be of the same mind, the same spirit, the same goals, etc.
B1 The Trinity is one, not as oneness theology (which is unbridled heresy). John 17:21 NLT I pray that they will all be one, just as you and I are one—as you are in me, Father, and I am in you. And may they be in us so that the world will believe you sent me. (Also Deuteronomy 6:4 and John 10:30)
B2 The church: 1 Corinthians 12:13 CSB For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all given one Spirit to drink.
B3 Marriage: Genesis 2:24 NLT This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.
Oneness in spirit
B1 This is spiritual oneness.
B2 This is done when husband and wife pray, read and study the Scriptures, memorize Scriptures, pray, etc. together.
B3 On a greater level is when the family is worshiping in the congregation together. The oneness is the family is worshiping together.
B4 This is fellowship.
C1 Enoch with God: Genesis 5:22 NLT After the birth of Methuselah, Enoch lived in close fellowship with God for another 300 years, and he had other sons and daughters.
C2 Elkanan and wives: 1 Samuel 1:19 NKJV Then they rose early in the morning and worshiped before the LORD, and returned and came to their house at Ramah. And Elkanah knew Hannah his wife, and the LORD remembered her.
Oneness in soul
B1 This is emotional, intellectual, oneness.
B2 This is done when we spend time together for friendship, planning, problem solving, helping each other, etc.
B3 It is for comfort and listening when in trials or the hard day at work.
B4 It is for rejoicing together.
B5 You don’t need date night. It is to be the every day experience of having each other.
B6 This is not to mean you spend every breathing moment together. Everyone needs their space. The idea is in general there is to be oneness.
Oneness in body
B1 This is physical oneness
B2 If the husband enjoys pleasure, so should his wife.
B3 If he does not give her pleasure, he is either ignorant or does not love his wife.
D1 1 Corinthians 13:5 WEL love...is not self-seeking…
D2 A wife is the closest neighbor there is: Galatians 5:14 WEL For all the law is fulfilled in one saying, namely, “You must love your neighbor as yourself.
C2 Abraham gave Sarah, his wife, pleasure: Genesis 18:12 NKJV Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, "After I have grown old, shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?"
C3 The Song of Solomon
D1 This inspired book was and is to be read and interpreted in its plain, normal sense.
D2 It is a manual of oneness in physical and emotional spheres.
D3 It is part of God’s standards for husband and wife.
D4 A husband is to enjoy his wife’s beauty. Release is not the goal. Enjoying her beauty is the most important. We are not to enjoy another’s person’s beauty, but we are to enjoy our wife’s beauty. It takes more than 2 minutes. Song of Songs 1:10 NLT How lovely are your cheeks; your earrings set them afire! How lovely is your neck, enhanced by a string of jewels.
D5 Song of Songs 2:14 NLT Young Man My dove is hiding behind the rocks, behind an outcrop on the cliff. Let me see your face; let me hear your voice. For your voice is pleasant, and your face is lovely.
D6 All of Song of Songs Chapter 4
B4 Release is relief from the build up of pleasure. If a man releases without his wife being able to relax and have pleasure, he will not have any enjoyment of his wife’s beauty, which is most important for physical oneness in marriage.
B5 The wife has needs, too. Both husband and wife should fulfill each other’s needs: 1 Corinthians 7:3 NLT The husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband's needs.
B6 A husband does not own his wife; she can refuse. They are to help each other: 1 Corinthians 7:4 NLT The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.
B7 He has an obligation to fulfill her sexual needs as well as she his: 1 Corinthians 7:3 CSB A husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise a wife to her husband.
C1 The Greek word for duty is ὀφειλή opheilḗ.
C2 It means
D1 Cognate: 3782 opheilḗ (a feminine noun) – a specific (applied) kind of indebtedness, implying an "applied obligation" due to the debt (what is owed). See 3781 (opheiletēs).
D2 3781 opheilétēs (a masculine noun) – a debtor; someone under obligation to pay back (discharge) a debt.
C3 The husband has a debt to fulfill his wife’s sexual needs.
Love in marital oneness
B1 Love is a choice
B2 The actions of love are 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never ends
B3 Bill does not do this. He completely and miserable fails God’s standards.
C1 This is truly a time for repentance.
D1 Confession of sin
E1 This is a public sin and needs to be publicly confessed and forgiveness sought.
E2 A sin that only God knows needs to be confessed only to God and forgiveness sought from Him.
E3 A sin that only one person knows needs to be confessed to God and that person then forgiveness sought from both.
E3 A public sin is sin know by many people. It needs to be confessed to God and publicly then forgiveness sought from all.
D2 Asking forgiveness
E1 All sin is against God’s laws.
E2 Sin can be in thoughts, desires, words, and deeds.
E3 We live what we really believe.
E4 Sin comes from our evil hearts. We are not compelled to sin. God does not decree sin.
D3 Change of attitude
D4 Change of life
D5 Consistency and persevering changes in public and private
B4 Ecclesiastes 9:9 NLT Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.
Bill you are in great error and great sorrow. You are harming your wife.