Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abuse. Show all posts

05 October 2019

Recognizing Spiritual Abuse

A few days ago, Julie Roys, wrote an article, Hugh Freeze, Liberty University, and the Anatomy of Spiritual Abuse. In this article, she discussed spiritual abuse, namely, manipulation. It is very good to help us recognize this type of abuse.

Wade Mullen identifies some techniques of spiritual abuse into 2 categories: macro-level techniques and micro-level techniques. Here is a summary of these:

Four Steps of Spiritual AbuseMullen said Liberty employed four typical “macro-level,” spiritually abusive tactics in its convocation with Freeze. These included:
  • Define the situation so people don’t define it for themselves.
  • Use excuses to manage people’s perception of the situation.
  • Claim forgiveness as an entitlement.
  • Get Endorsements.
In addition to these “macro-level” tactics, Mullen said Liberty also employed several “micro-level” tactics like “exemplification” and “polishing.” Mullen said those on the receiving end, like the students, often don’t grasp the truth behind the scandal being covered up or whitewashed, because the abusive people are defining everything for them.


03 October 2019

Job and His Suffering Part 2

B1 This long section is the advice(?) of Job’s 3 friends(?) and Job’s replies to them.
B2 Basically, they accuse Job of great sin that has been hidden from everyone except God. God is now punishing Job for his evil. Job needs to confess his sin and get right with God.
C1 The grief and emotional burden of Job: Job 3:24-26 GNB Instead of eating, I mourn, and I can never stop groaning. 25 Everything I fear and dread comes true. 26 I have no peace, no rest, and my troubles never end.
C2 The “abuse the victim” starts with Eliphaz: Job 4:7-11 GNB Think back now. Name a single case where someone righteous met with disaster. 8 I have seen people plow fields of evil and plant wickedness like seed; now they harvest wickedness and evil. 9 Like a storm, God destroys them in his anger. 10 The wicked roar and growl like lions, but God silences them and breaks their teeth. 11 Like lions with nothing to kill and eat, they die, and all their children are scattered.
C3 These friends(?) are victim-shaming. The Lord Jesus addresses this here: Luke 13:1-4 GNB At that time some people were there who told Jesus about the Galileans whom Pilate had killed while they were offering sacrifices to God. 2 Jesus answered them, "Because those Galileans were killed in that way, do you think it proves that they were worse sinners than all other Galileans? 3 No indeed! And I tell you that if you do not turn from your sins, you will all die as they did. 4 What about those eighteen people in Siloam who were killed when the tower fell on them? Do you suppose this proves that they were worse than all the other people living in Jerusalem? 
D1 Just because bad things happen to good people (this said in human terms, not God’s definition), does not mean that they deserve it, did something that caused it, or God is punishing them.
D2 Good things happen to evil people as well.
D3 A rather long passage, but it explains the feelings of one who is a believer and observe evil people having it good in life. Psalms 73:1-15 GNB God is indeed good to Israel, to those who have pure hearts. 2 But I had nearly lost confidence; my faith was almost gone 3 because I was jealous of the proud when I saw that things go well for the wicked. 4 They do not suffer pain; they are strong and healthy. 5 They do not suffer as other people do; they do not have the troubles that others have. 6 And so they wear pride like a necklace and violence like a robe; 7 their hearts pour out evil, and their minds are busy with wicked schemes. 8 They laugh at other people and speak of evil things; they are proud and make plans to oppress others. 9 They speak evil of God in heaven and give arrogant orders to everyone on earth, 10 so that even God's people turn to them and eagerly believe whatever they say. 11 They say, "God will not know; the Most High will not find out." 12 That is what the wicked are like. They have plenty and are always getting more. 13 Is it for nothing, then, that I have kept myself pure and have not committed sin? 14 O God, you have made me suffer all day long; every morning you have punished me. 15 If I had said such things, I would not be acting as one of your people.
D4 Nevertheless, he understood something that we can learn: Psalms 73:16-28 GNB I tried to think this problem through, but it was too difficult for me 17 until I went into your Temple. Then I understood what will happen to the wicked. 18 You will put them in slippery places and make them fall to destruction! 19 They are instantly destroyed; they go down to a horrible end. 20 They are like a dream that goes away in the morning; when you rouse yourself, O Lord, they disappear. 21 When my thoughts were bitter and my feelings were hurt, 22 I was as stupid as an animal; I did not understand you. 23 Yet I always stay close to you, and you hold me by the hand. 24 You guide me with your instruction and at the end you will receive me with honor. 25 What else do I have in heaven but you? Since I have you, what else could I want on earth? 26 My mind and my body may grow weak, but God is my strength; he is all I ever need. 27 Those who abandon you will certainly perish; you will destroy those who are unfaithful to you. 28 But as for me, how wonderful to be near God, to find protection with the Sovereign LORD and to proclaim all that he has done! 
C4 A few more quotes from his friends(?):
D1 Bildad speaking to Job. “Job you are evil to the core, and your children, too. God punished those bastards as they deserved.” Job 8:1-7 GNB (1-2) Are you finally through with your windy speech? 3 God never twists justice; he never fails to do what is right. 4 Your children must have sinned against God, and so he punished them as they deserved. 5 But turn now and plead with Almighty God; 6 if you are so honest and pure, then God will come and help you and restore your household as your reward. 7 All the wealth you lost will be nothing compared with what God will give you then.
D2 Zophar’s turn to revictimize. Look at his poor judgment. Let us learn, O Lord, not to do this! Job 11:1-5 GNB (1-2) Will no one answer all this nonsense? Does talking so much put you in the right? 3 Job, do you think we can't answer you? That your mocking words will leave us speechless? 4 You claim that what you say is true; you claim you are pure in the sight of God. 5 How I wish God would answer you! 
D2 Eliphaz again: Job 22:4-5 GNB It is not because you stand in awe of God that he reprimands you and brings you to trial. 5 No, it's because you have sinned so much; it's because of all the evil you do.
C5 Job speaks, but they do not believe. Victims experience the same much too often. We need to listen and to believe. Always start there.
C6 Job finally appeals to God, “Why, are you doing this to me.” Job knows he did nothing to deserve this.
C7 Read this and sense the Job’s pain at this revictimization. Job 16:1-8 GNB (1-2) I have heard words like that before; the comfort you give is only torment. 3 Are you going to keep on talking forever? Do you always have to have the last word? 4 If you were in my place and I in yours, I could say everything you are saying. I could shake my head wisely and drown you with a flood of words. 5 I could strengthen you with advice and keep talking to comfort you. 6 But nothing I say helps, and being silent does not calm my pain. 7 You have worn me out, God; you have let my family be killed. 8 You have seized me; you are my enemy. I am skin and bones, and people take that as proof of my guilt.
B3 Some things to learn
C1 God does not victimize. He does punish, but He does not victimize. He does not abuse. He hates abuse. Psalm 11:5 NIV The LORD examines the righteous, but the wicked, those who love violence, he hates with a passion.
C2 God hates those who plan evil: Micah 2:1 NIV Woe to those who plan iniquity, to those who plot evil on their beds! At morning's light they carry it out because it is in their power to do it.
C3 satan and those who follow his ways will be punished:
D1 Revelation 20:10 GNB Then the Devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of fire and sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had already been thrown; and they will be tormented day and night forever and ever.
D2 Revelation 20:14-15 GNB Then death and the world of the dead were thrown into the lake of fire. (This lake of fire is the second death.) 15 Those who did not have their name written in the book of the living were thrown into the lake of fire.
D3 Revelation 21:8 GNB But cowards, traitors, perverts, murderers, the immoral, those who practice magic, those who worship idols, and all liars—the place for them is the lake burning with fire and sulfur, which is the second death.
C4 Here is a warning from God. If you are an abuser, God will deal with you. If, like Job’s friends(?), you do this in ignorance, then repent. God knows that abusers fake repentance. Beware. Proverbs 6:16 GNB (16-19) There are seven things that the LORD hates and cannot tolerate: A proud look, a lying tongue, hands that kill innocent people, a mind that thinks up wicked plans, feet that hurry off to do evil, a witness who tells one lie after another, and someone who stirs up trouble among friends. 
B4 As Christians we can practice these principles:
C1 Speak truth (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16-17)
C2 Listen (Proverbs 18:13)
C3 Be slow to speak and  slow to anger (James 1:19)
C4 Be understanding (Proverbs 20:5, John 7:24)
C5 Give encouragement (Hebrews 3:13)
C6 Have fellowship (Hebrews 10:25) This would include the idea of a support group
C7 Ask for wisdom (Psalm 16:7)
C8 Asking appropriate questions (Proverbs 20:5) This would include open questions
C9 Clarifying This would include paraphrasing (restating what the speaker said using different words) and summarizing (repeating the main points of the speaker)
C10 Show compassion (Colossians 3:12)
C11 Give wise answers (1 Peter 3:15)

02 October 2019

Job and His Suffering Part 1

What we can learn about suffering today.
A 4 part series:
B1 Job and his sufferingbehind the scenes Job 1:1-
B2 Job and his sufferingEliphaz, Bildad, and Zophar respond Job 4:1-31:40
B3 Job and his sufferingElihu responds Job 32:1-37:24
B4 Job and his sufferingGod responds Job 38:1-42:17
Some questions answered
B1 Why do good people suffer?
B2 Why does God allow suffering?
B3 Why do friends abuse the victim?
B4 Why
B5 Why it is important to know the truth. Assumption can be dangerous.

A1 Job Part 1behind the scenes Job 1:1-3:26

B1 Job is blessed. He is blessed spiritually and emotionally, with health, wealth, and wisdom. He is blessed with a good wife, many children, and many friends. He is blessed to know God, have fellowship with God, not physically, but spiritually. He understood about sin, judgment, punishment, and substitution (a sacrifice). He knew the King of the Universe!
C1 Treasure of salvation (deliverance from God’s wrath): Psalm 3:8 CSB Salvation belongs to the LORD; may your blessing be on your people. Selah 
C2 Treasures of material wealth. God does not guarantee material wealth, but all believers can have spiritual wealth.
D1 Proverbs 10:22 NET The blessing from the LORD makes a person rich, and he adds no sorrow to it. 
D2 Matthew 6:20 CSB "But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves don’t break in and steal.
C3 Treasures of having the fear of the Lord (salvation), wisdom, and knowledge: Isaiah 33:6 NLT In that day he will be your sure foundation, providing a rich store of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge. The fear of the LORD will be your treasure.
C4 Spiritual treasures from doing the will of God: 2 Corinthians 6:10 NLT Our hearts ache, but we always have joy. We are poor, but we give spiritual riches to others. We own nothing, and yet we have everything.
C5 Treasures of assurance and the knowledge of Messiah: Colossians 2:2-3 WEL That their hearts may be comforted by being knit together in love and into the all the riches of the full assurance of understanding, into the full knowledge of the mystery of God and of the Father and of Christ 3 In whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
B2 The devil, satan, having access to heaven slanders Job and blasphemes God’s character by claiming that God has made Job secure and successful and that is the only reason that Job worships and serves God.
B3 Two times satan requests God to curse Job. God refuses but does allow satan to do so.
C1 satan did not have to afflict Job, instigate murder, theft, loss of possessions, etc. satan wanted to do this in his hate for God and for those who serve God.
D1 satan and his followers are liars and murders. Have you ever noted how many people believe the answer to a problem is murder. We see this in abortion to murders at work, at events, at school, at home, etc. John 8:44 NET You people are from your father the devil, and you want to do what your father desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not uphold the truth, because there is no truth in him. Whenever he lies, he speaks according to his own nature, because he is a liar and the father of lies.
D2 An evil heart leads to evil thoughts which lead to evil actions: Matthew 15:19 WEL For out of the heart comes evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, sexual sins, thefts, false witness, and blasphemies. 
D3 satan loves to oppose God’s work and God’s people: Zechariah 3:1 LEB And he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of Yahweh; and Satan was standing on his right to accuse him.
D4 satan loves to pretend he is god, so shows himself as angel of light, which is deceptive, seductive, and disastrous to anyone. This is why we must know God and His character traits well. His followers also will pretend to be real apostles. 2 Corinthians 11:13-15 NIV For such people are false apostles, deceitful workers, masquerading as apostles of Christ. And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades as an angel of light. It is not surprising, then, if his servants also masquerade as servants of righteousness. Their end will be what their actions deserve.
C2 Why did God allow satan the opportunity to hurt Job, kill his family, cause a loss of all his goods?
D1 God did not want this to happen. It was not His decreed will; it was His will.
D2 Evil
E1 Evil is the absence of good.
E2 Evil is a punishment. Adam was warned by God not to eat the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Adam did not believe God. Because of Adam’s sin, the world was cursed.
E3 Some evils that happen to us are from our bad choices.
E4 Some evils that happen to us are from another’s bad choices.
E5 Some evils that happen to us are from the curse on the universe, as hurricanes, earthquakes, mudslides, etc.
E6 Some evils are because satan hates anything good, so he wants to cause pain and affliction. You can see this very thing in abusers. It doesn’t make any difference what kind of abusers. The abusers may be a pastor (pastoral abuse), domestic abuse of all types, parental abuse, child abuse, etc. Note how narcissists, psychopaths, and others do evil. They are doing the evil that satan loves. If you are an abuser, pastor, spouse, parent, boss, leader, whatever, you are doing satan’s will, and you will go to hell to be tormented for eternity.
D3 God allowed it. Why?
E1 The universe is cursed. A promised time is coming when
F1 Revelation 21:3-5 CSB Then I heard a loud voice from the throne: Look, God's dwelling is with humanity, and he will live with them. They will be his peoples, and God himself will be with them and will be their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes. Death will be no more; grief, crying, and pain will be no more, because the previous things have passed away.  Then the one seated on the throne said, "Look, I am making everything new." He also said, "Write, because these words are faithful and true.
F2 2 Peter 3:13 LEB But according to his promise, we are waiting for new heavens and a new earth in which righteousness resides.
F3 Revelation 22:3 NIV No longer will there be any curse. The throne of God and of the Lamb will be in the city, and his servants will serve him.
E2 God is not a micro-manager as some Calvinists teach. WCF III 1. God from all eternity did, by the most wise and holy counsel of his own will, freely and unchangeably ordain whatsoever comes to pass...  Read the confession. Read it in context. God ordained whatever comes to pass including sending most humans to hell to roast and barbecue for eternity without ever having a chance to repent.
F1 Do words mean anything? Doesn’t God always tell the truth. God says this to the prophet: 1 Chronicles 21:10 NET Go, tell David, 'This is what the LORD says: "I am offering you three forms of judgment from which to choose. Pick one of them.
F2 From a real offer choice that was spurned: Proverbs 1:29-31 NET Because they hated moral knowledge, and did not choose to fear the LORD, they did not comply with my advice, they spurned all my rebuke. Therefore they will eat from the fruit of their way, and they will be stuffed full of their own counsel.
E3 Sometimes we can look back at a bad choice we made, even after praying for God to help us to not make a wrong choice.
F1 There may have been warning signs that we ignored.
F2 The warning signs were new and unknown to us, so we didn’t recognize them. This is a good reason to be aware.
G3 Some abusers are very subtle. They want to deceive. If one has any gut feeling that all is not good, they should leave the relationship.
G5 The actions of love, real love as defined by God. How do WE measure? 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty, 5 Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, 6 Doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices in the truth, 7 Bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. 8 Love never ends...
B4 We must know that Job did not give up the faith. Quite a number of people leave Christianity over abuse, thinking that God could have prevented this. Why didn’t God do this for you or me? I don’t know. But, I do know that if we have a commitment to God, persecution will not cause us to permanently give up the faith.
B5 Please read Job chapter 3, for it shows the utter, total personal experience of spiritual, emotional, and physical pain. His words have been repeated many times throughout history, though most would not recognize.
B6 Pain is real. If you are suffering, find someone who will really listen without interruption, offering unasked advice, and someone who is protective of your character.
B7 Hebrews 10:25 LEB not abandoning our meeting together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging each other, and by so much more as you see the day drawing near. 
B8 Romans 12:15 NET Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. 
B9 James 1:19 CSB My dear brothers and sisters, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger,
B10 Proverbs 18:13 GW Whoever gives an answer before he listens is stupid and shameful.
B11 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 NET Blessed is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles so that we may be able to comfort those experiencing any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.

04 June 2019

A Few Thoughts About "Forgive and Forget"


Often pastors, church leaders, and many people counsel(?) the abused, molested, the hurt, etc. people to forgive and forget. The quotes are from one source, but similar can be found in many places. Consider
  • Girl Redeemed: Though my siblings NEVER apologize and continue the same abusive behaviors toward me, and sometimes my husband, I am expected to be a good Christian and forget about it almost immediately. (Source)
  • Colleen: Thank you so much for this. I have had people tell me I need to forgive my offender and no matter how much I say I have it doesn’t seem to be the answer they were looking for. Now I see that they were pushing for reconciliation of the forgive-and-forget kind. My offender told me I was playing the victim when I kindly but firmly tried to explain the hurts he had done. (Source)
  • Natalie: He said he was sorry, so I need to give him a fresh start.We hear this in religious circles quite often. “Forgive and forget.” “Turn the other cheek.” “Love covers up a multitude of sins.” (Source)
What does the Bible teach us?
B1 There is no such thing as forgive and forget.
B2 Sin has consequences.
C1 Adam was forgiven, yet still died.
C2 David sinned but still suffered punishment. His sin also brought about the death of his son and grief to Bathsheba. 2 Samuel 12
C3 Paul still had bad memories and sorrow for his sins. Galatians 1:13-16 NET For you have heard of my former way of life in Judaism, how I was savagely persecuting the church of God and trying to destroy it. I was advancing in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries in my nation, and was extremely zealous for the traditions of my ancestors. But when the one who set me apart from birth and called me by his grace was pleased to reveal his Son in me so that I could preach him among the Gentiles, I did not go to ask advice from any human being.
C4 Manasseh
Sinned greatly: 2 Chronicles 33:9 NET But Manasseh misled the people of Judah and the residents of Jerusalem so that they sinned more than the nations whom the LORD had destroyed ahead of the Israelites.
Punished: 2 Chronicles 33:10-11 NET The LORD confronted Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention. So the LORD brought against them the commanders of the army of the king of Assyria. They seized Manasseh, put hooks in his nose, bound him with bronze chains, and carried him away to Babylon.
Repented: 2 Chronicles 33:12-13 NET In his pain Manasseh asked the LORD his God for mercy and truly humbled himself before the God of his ancestors. When he prayed to the LORD, the LORD responded to him and answered favorably his cry for mercy. The LORD brought him back to Jerusalem to his kingdom. Then Manasseh realized that the LORD is the true God.
Showed reform: 2 Chronicles 33:15-16 NET He removed the foreign gods and images from the LORD's temple and all the altars he had built on the hill of the LORD's temple and in Jerusalem; he threw them outside the city. He erected the altar of the LORD and offered on it peace offerings and thank offerings. He told the people of Judah to serve the LORD God of Israel.
Still Judah received punishment: 2 Kings 23:26 NET Yet the LORD's great anger against Judah did not subside; he was still infuriated by all the things Manasseh had done. And 2 Kings 24:3 NET Just as the LORD had announced, he rejected Judah because of all the sins which Manasseh had committed.
C5 What a person sows in sin will be punished. Sin has consequences. God is not made a fool. Galatians 6:7 CSB Don't be deceived: God is not mocked. For whatever a person sows he will also reap.
B3 Forgiveness
C1 Teaching: Luke 17:3-4 GNB So watch what you do! "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. 4 If he sins against you seven times in one day, and each time he comes to you saying, 'I repent,' you must forgive him."
C2 Some notes about forgiveness:
D1 Only God can forgive sin:
E1 The Jews understood this: Mark 2:7 NET "Why does this man speak this way? He is blaspheming! Who can forgive sins but God alone?"
E2 Jesus paid the penalty for sin: 1 John 4:10 NLT This is real love--not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.
D2 When God forgives someone of their sins, conditions must be met.
E1 Confession, that is, admitting one’s sin. “Yes, I sinned. Yes, I did do that.” 1 John 1:9 NLT But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.
E2 Repentance, that is, turning around from the attitude of sin, the acts of sin, and the thoughts of sin. They do not do this sin anymore. It must be noticed both in public and in private. 1 Kings 8:47 NLT But in that land of exile, they might turn to you in repentance and pray, 'We have sinned, done evil, and acted wickedly.' Note: they agreed with God’s evaluation of their attitudes and deeds, then ask for God to forgiven.
F1 Repentance is not just saying, “I’m sorry.” There needs to be contrition and a change publicly and privately. Matthew 3:8 NLT Prove by the way you live that you have repented of your sins and turned to God.
F2 The Greek word for repent (μετάνοια metánoia, G3341) means to turn around, a change. It would to agree with God’s opinion, rules, and decisions.
F3 Being sad, being caught, being confronted is not repentance: 2 Corinthians 7:10 NET For sadness as intended by God produces a repentance that leads to salvation, leaving no regret, but worldly sadness brings about death.
E3 Asking. Luke 18:13 NLT "But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, 'O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.'
E4 Forsaking them. This includes thoughts, desires, words, and deeds both in public and in private.
F1 2 Timothy 2:19 NLT But God's truth stands firm like a foundation stone with this inscription: "The LORD knows those who are his," and "All who belong to the LORD must turn away from evil."
F2 1 Peter 3:11 NLT Turn away from evil and do good. Search for peace, and work to maintain it.
D3 Forgiveness is not seeking revenge. Turning the abuser over to God, to law enforcement, to the public’s knowledge, is not revenge. When a crime is committed, it must be reported.
B4 Scars remain after abuse:
C1 Recognition: After leaving, there has to be recognition that there was abuse.
C2 Shock
C3 Anger
C4 Depression
C5 Bargaining
C6 Acceptance
C7 It takes time. Everyone is different. You probably should seek counseling.
Resources:
Domestic Abuse
B2 Cry for Justice (Barbara Roberts)
B3 Unholy Charade (Jeff Crippen)
Sexual Molestation: Jimmy Hinton
Pastoral Abuse:
Emergencies. Do not hesitate if you need immediate help. If you are in danger, call.
C1 1-800-4-A-Child
C2 Same number 1-800-422-4453
B2 National Domestic Abuse (USA): 1-800-799-7233 or (TTY) 1-800-787-3224
B3 Or (USA) 911
The Exhausted Woman (Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

05 December 2018

Many Forms of Abusive Behavior

A good article to inform us of the many forms of abuse. No one should experience abuse. Sometimes, it is confusing to know, so we might wonder, "Is this abuse?"

You should read the entire article.

The 8 Types of Abusive Behavior

By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC



Aaron wrongly believed that the only type of abuse was physical and then only if it left a mark. This is a common misunderstanding in our culture. When he took some time to review the different types of abuse, he realized that he experienced it in his marriage, from his parents, and on occasion was guilty of abusive behavior as well.
There are many other ways a person can be abused. Abuse can be manipulation, exploitation, maltreatment, neglect, violence, cruelty, harm, hurt, ill-treatment, and exploitive. The seven main ways it is manifested is through physical, mental, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual and spiritual. Legal abuse is very specific and is not readily seen, however, it does occur. The following list is not inclusive but rather provides an opportunity to explore, evaluate and discuss any potentially destructive behavior.
Aaron used this list as a checklist, marking up his and other’s errors in behavior. Awareness is the first step to stopping abuse.
Physical Abuse. Has the victim experienced:
  • Intimidation – Bullying by standing over, looking down, or getting “in your face” and then refusing to back off.
  • Isolation – Limiting the ability to escape from or abandoning in dangerous situations.
  • Restraint – Confines by blocking a doorway, grabbing when trying to leave, locking doors with no key, or tying up.
  • Aggression – Hitting, kicking, punching, arm twisting, pushing, beating, shoving, biting, slapping, striking with an object, throwing objects, shaking, pinching, choking, hair pulling, dragging, burning, cutting, stabbing, strangling, and force-feeding (including overdose or misuse of drugs/alcohol).
  • Endangerment – Verbal threats of killing mixed with physical violence and use of weapons.
Mental Abuse. Has the victim experienced:

09 September 2018

1 Peter 3:1-7 and Submission




1 Peter 3:1-7 is often cited by those who wish to control wives. These are those men and pastors who feel a woman needs the strong hand of a man to guide her.

In reality, those types tend to be abusive. Abusive people are evil. There is no love, if there is any abuse.

A careful study of the passage in the plain, normal sense and understanding English language will NOT interpret this passage to dominate women.

The plain sense of Scripture in 1 Peter 3:1-7 shows
  • The situation of a Christian wife and non-Christian husband. The situation can be either husband or wife. It refers to one spouse being a Christian and the other is not.
  • The nonbeliever will not obey God’s command to repent and believe the Gospel.
  • The Christian can then, live the Gospel, by living the Christian life required by Messiah Jesus for both men and women, instead of pleading, perhaps nagging the unbeliever.
  • Hopefully, the non-Christian will see the superiority of the Christian life, repent, and believe the Gospel.
  • The Apostle reminds the Christian, whether wife or husband, to speak respectfully.
  • Be respectful and give honor to each other.
  • The Christian (this especially refers to the husband) will not have God answer his prayers, if he treats his wife with any hint of abuse.

In summary:
  • A controlling spouse cannot lawfully use this Scripture passage to force the other.
  • Word meanings in English have changed. Care must be taken to understand its use.
  • God is supreme. He is omniscient and omnisapient. His will and lifestyle is the best.
  • We must be of the mindset to do God’s will. To know God’s will, we must study the Bible and pray for wisdom.
  • Love your spouse as I have written in other articles about love.

A better translation understanding that the Greek word implies no defiance or resistance: 1 Peter 3:1-7 God’s Word Wives, in a similar way, place yourselves under your husbands' authority. Some husbands may not obey God's word. Their wives could win these men for Christ by the way they live without saying anything. 2 Their husbands would see how pure and reverent their lives are. 3 Wives must not let their beauty be something external. Beauty doesn't come from hairstyles, gold jewelry, or clothes. 4 Rather, beauty is something internal that can't be destroyed. Beauty expresses itself in a gentle and quiet attitude which God considers precious. 5 After all, this is how holy women who had confidence in God expressed their beauty in the past. They placed themselves under their husbands' authority 6 as Sarah did. Sarah obeyed Abraham and spoke to him respectfully. You became Sarah's daughters by not letting anything make you afraid to do good. 7 Husbands, in a similar way, live with your wives with understanding since they are weaker than you are. Honor your wives as those who share God's life-giving kindness so that nothing will interfere with your prayers.

07 April 2018

Conditions for Divorce


My Understanding of Scriptural Reasons for Allowing Divorce

God's standard is marriage until one spouse dies. God's standard is never to steal, never to lie, never to covet, never to blaspheme, but we all know it happens. Sometimes marriages are wrong. Hence, my thoughts.


Conditions for Divorce

Len Gane
2017 Update 19 Apr 19

Marriage

B1 God’s will
C1 Verses
D1 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:24, NKJV)
D2 “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Matthew 19:6, NKJV)
C1 Some may not want marriage
C2 Some may want but won’t be married
D1 No one available
D2 Eunuchs for the kingdom, or by force (as from a King)
E1 But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only [those] to whom it has been given: “For there are eunuchs who were born thus from [their] mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept [it,] let him accept [it.”] (Matthew 19:11-12, NKJV)
E2 Jesus answered, “This teaching does not apply to everyone, but only to those to whom God has given it. For there are different reasons why men cannot marry: some, because they were born that way; others, because men made them that way; and others do not marry for the sake of the Kingdom of heaven. Let him who can accept this teaching do so.” (Matthew 19:11-12, GNB92)
D3 No one asked
B2 God blesses
C1 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18, NKJV)
C2 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge. (Hebrews 13:4, NKJV).
C3 Let your fountain be blessed, And rejoice with the wife of your youth. As a loving deer and a graceful doe, Let her breasts satisfy you at all times; And always be enraptured with her love. For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman, And be embraced in the arms of a seductress? (Proverbs 5:18-20, NKJV).
C4 Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NKJV)
C5 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 9:4-8a, NKJV)
C6 And many other verses

Divorce

B1 Not God’s will: This is another thing you do. You drown the LORD's altar with tears, weeping and wailing because he no longer accepts the offerings you bring him. You ask why he no longer accepts them. It is because he knows you have broken your promise to the wife you married when you were young. She was your partner, and you have broken your promise to her, although you promised before God that you would be faithful to her. Didn't God make you one body and spirit with her? What was his purpose in this? It was that you should have children who are truly God's people. So make sure that none of you breaks his promise to his wife. “I hate divorce,” says the LORD God of Israel. “I hate it when one of you does such a cruel thing to his wife. Make sure that you do not break your promise to be faithful to your wife.” (Malachi 2:13-16, GNB92)
B2 By permission
C1 Sexual sins
D1 Incest:
E1 The LORD gave the following regulations. Do not have sexual intercourse with any of your relatives. Do not disgrace your father by having intercourse with your mother. You must not disgrace your own mother. Do not disgrace your father by having intercourse with any of his other wives. Do not have intercourse with your sister or your stepsister, whether or not she was brought up in the same house with you. Do not have intercourse with your granddaughter; that would be a disgrace to you. Do not have intercourse with a half sister; she, too, is your sister. Do not have intercourse with an aunt, whether she is your father's sister or your mother's sister. --- Do not have intercourse with your uncle's wife; she, too, is your aunt. Do not have intercourse with your daughter-in-law or with your brother's wife. Do not have intercourse with the daughter or granddaughter of a woman with whom you have had intercourse; they may be related to you, and that would be incest. Do not take your wife's sister as one of your wives, as long as your wife is living. (Leviticus 18:6-18, GNB92)
E2 Compare the sin happening in Corinth. 1 Corinthians 5:1-5 PickNT It is actually reported that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as not even pagans talk about—that someone has his father's wife! 2 And you are puffed up and not even grieved, so as to exclude the one who has done this deed from your fellowship. 3 For I indeed, as present in spirit though absent in body, have already judged the one who created this situation, as though I were present: 4 in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, you and my spirit being together, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, 5 we must hand such a one over to Satan for a destruction of the 'flesh', that the spirit may be saved in the Day of the Lord Jesus.
D2 Adultery
E1 Verses
F1 When Jesus finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went to the territory of Judea on the other side of the Jordan River. Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him and tried to trap him by asking, “Does our Law allow a man to divorce his wife for whatever reason he wishes?” Jesus answered, “Haven't you read the scripture that says that in the beginning the Creator made people male and female? And God said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.’ So they are no longer two, but one. No human being must separate, then, what God has joined together.” The Pharisees asked him, “Why, then, did Moses give the law for a man to hand his wife a divorce notice and send her away?” Jesus answered, “Moses gave you permission to divorce your wives because you are so hard to teach. But it was not like that at the time of creation. I tell you, then, that any man who divorces his wife for any cause other than her unfaithfulness, commits adultery if he marries some other woman.” (Matthew 19:1-9, GNB92)
F2 “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32, NKJV)
E2 Comment
F1 Does not mean you must divorce
F2 Does mean it is allowed. Often this is preferred.
D3 Porn
E1 Verse: “But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery; and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery. (Matthew 5:32, NKJV)
E2 Comment
F1 The word for sexual immorality is πορνεία porneia.
F2 The word includes adultery, incest, and porn
F3 This is a serious addiction that God hates.
F4 It is adultery in the heart.
F5 Can be repented of but not common.
C2 Desertion
D1 Physical leaving
E1 Verse: But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound by a marriage vow. God has called you to live in peace. (I Corinthians 7:15 [GodsWord])
E2 Comment
F1 Not all agree with this interpretation
F2 Many do
F3 The individual must decide
D2 Spiritual leaving
E1 This is becoming an agnostic, atheist, or abandoning Christ for another religion.
E2 This is allowed, because it is a denial of one’s vows and a spiritual danger to the believing spouse.
E3 Divorce is recommended.
E4 Remarriage is allowed.
D3 Abuse
E1 This is not because the toilet paper unrolls the wrong way.
E2 It is physical, sexual, spiritual, financial, mental, emotional, verbal, etc. abuse.
E3 This is desertion of the marriage vows.
E4 Divorce is recommended.
E5 No contact to low contact is necessary.
E6 Remarriage is allowed.
E7 1 Corinthians 5:11 GW Now, what I meant was that you should not associate with people who call themselves brothers or sisters in the Christian faith but live in sexual sin, are greedy, worship false gods, use abusive language, get drunk, or are dishonest. Don't eat with such people.
C3 If you stay, you or your children may lose salvation and faith
D1 A relationship that might lead to a denial of Jesus Christ
E1 Verses
F1 All these men had foreign wives. They divorced them and sent them and their children away. (Ezra 10:44, GNB92)
F2 “The LORD your God will bring you into the land that you are going to occupy, and he will drive many nations out of it. As you advance, he will drive out seven nations larger and more powerful than you: the Hittites, the Girgashites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. When the LORD your God places these people in your power and you defeat them, you must put them all to death. Do not make an alliance with them or show them any mercy. Do not marry any of them, and do not let your children marry any of them, because then they would lead your children away from the LORD to worship other gods. If that happens, the LORD will be angry with you and destroy you at once. So then, tear down their altars, break their sacred stone pillars in pieces, cut down their symbols of the goddess Asherah, and burn their idols. Do this because you belong to the LORD your God. From all the peoples on earth he chose you to be his own special people. (Deuteronomy 7:1-6, GNB92)
E2 Comment
F1 Marrying non-Israelite women within the boundaries of Israel was forbidden for the reason given above. Deuteronomy 7:1-6
F2 Marrying non-Israelite women outside the boundaries of Israel was allowed
G1 “When you go to attack a city, first give its people a chance to surrender. If they open the gates and surrender, they are all to become your slaves and do forced labor for you. But if the people of that city will not surrender, but choose to fight, surround it with your army. Then, when the LORD your God lets you capture the city, kill every man in it. You may, however, take for yourselves the women, the children, the livestock, and everything else in the city. You may use everything that belongs to your enemies. The LORD has given it to you. That is how you are to deal with those cities that are far away from the land you will settle in. (Deuteronomy 20:10-15, GNB92)
G2 “When the LORD your God gives you victory in battle and you take prisoners, you may see among them a beautiful woman that you like and want to marry. Take her to your home, where she will shave her head, cut her fingernails, and change her clothes. She is to stay in your home and mourn for her parents for a month; after that, you may marry her. Later, if you no longer want her, you are to let her go free. Since you forced her to have intercourse with you, you cannot treat her as a slave and sell her. (Deuteronomy 21:10-14, GNB92)
D2 Might lead to a type of abuse, spiritual abuse.

Remarriage

B1 Not necessary
B2 If wished
C1 Allowable for
D1 Death: For the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to [her] husband as long as he lives. But if the husband dies, she is released from the law of [her] husband. So then if, while [her] husband lives, she marries another man, she will be called an adulteress; but if her husband dies, she is free from that law, so that she is no adulteress, though she has married another man. (Romans 7:2-3, NKJV)
D2 Permissible reasons (listed above)
C2 Only in the Lord: A wife is bound by law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband dies, she is at liberty to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. (1 Corinthians 7:39, NKJV)

Summary:

For sexual sins as incest (Leviticus 18:6-18), adultery (Matthew 19:1-9), porn, which is adultery (Matthew 19:1-9), desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), if spouse causes spiritual danger (false religion, religiously militant, violent)(Ezra 10:44, Deuteronomy 7:1-6), abuse (including physical, spiritual, verbal, financial, sexual, emotional, etc. This is a desertion of marriage vows, and they always need to divorce)(see 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).