Showing posts with label abusers. Show all posts
Showing posts with label abusers. Show all posts

06 December 2020

A Few Thoughts about Identifying Fakes

John 7:24 NKJV Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.

Do Scriptures teach us how to identify fake friends, partners, marriage possibilities, business partners, etc.?

A society and every person doing God’s will leads to

B1 Peace See Romans 2:10 and Colossians 3:15.

B2 Our lives being decent (the opposite of shame) and orderly (the opposite is confusion and chaos) See 1 Corinthians 14:40, Romans 13:13, 1 Thessalonians 4:12, etc.

Decisions need to be done God’s way, that is in wisdom, love, and holiness. We can be taught wisdom especially by the principles taught in the book of Proverbs. Love is taught by identifying who and what we are to love the greatest and is identified by the actions of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a. Holiness is conforming to God’s rules especially as taught by Jesus and His Apostles (the New Testament).

Two articles teach us better than I could ever do.

B1 Exposing Evil

B2 Fake Friends

Some verses about judging/judgment

B1 Judge by truth. We need to seek out the truth. Proverbs 29:14 NKJV The king who judges the poor with truth, His throne will be established forever.

B2 Careful examination of the facts. Proverbs 18:17 WEB He who pleads his cause first seems right; until another comes and questions him.

B3 Partiality is evil and condemned by God. We can’t make good decisions if we have evil motives. James 2:3-4 NKJV and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, "You sit here in a good place," and say to the poor man, "You stand there," or, "Sit here at my footstool," 4 have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?

B4 The decision cannot be predetermined. Proverbs 18:13 NRSV If one gives answer before hearing, it is folly and shame.

B5 We must make decisions with the correct standard. Matthew 7:1-2 NLT Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.

B6 What Jesus said directly or through His apostles is the standard. John 12:48 EMTV He that rejects Me, and does not receive My words, has that which judges him—the word which I spoke, that word will judge him in the last day.

A few verses about decisions

B1 The Bible has many principles for making decisions.

C1 We know the 10 Commandments covers all sins. Each commandment is a set and there are many subsets. For example, “You must not murder.” Hate in thoughts, desires, words, or deeds towards innocent people and animals are subsets and are condemned. A decision that would express hate would be wrong. Any “friend” that would hurt, abuse, control in any way would be wrong, so we are not to be friends with such. Some people call truth hate, but Have I now become your enemy because I am telling you the truth? Galatians 4:16 NLT. Compare 1 Kings 18:17-18 and 1 Kings 21:20, etc.

D1 Any person that acts this way must be avoided. A wise choice would be to decline friendship with such. Proverbs 21:19 NLT It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife.

D2 Proverbs 22:24-25 NLT Don’t befriend angry people or associate with hot-tempered people, 25 or you will learn to be like them and endanger your soul.

C2 The same could be said for not bearing false witness, this would include slander, a person bragging about themselves and inflating their resume, etc.

D1 Proverbs 26:18-19 NLT Just as damaging as a madman shooting a deadly weapon 19 is someone who lies to a friend and then says, “I was only joking.”

D2 1 Samuel 2:3 GW Do not boast or let arrogance come out of your mouth because the LORD is a God of knowledge, and he weighs our actions.

B2 If our “friend” is not a person whose thoughts, desires, words, and deeds honor God, we must avoid them. This would include blasphemy, cursing, lying about His character, causing others to curse God, etc. 1 Corinthians 10:31 GW So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything to the glory of God.

B3 Those who are wise (in God’s opinion) should be our friend.

C1 Proverbs 13:20 GW Whoever walks with wise people will be wise, but whoever associates with fools will suffer.

C2 That wisdom should meet this criteria. James 3:17 GW However, the wisdom that comes from above is first of all pure. Then it is peaceful, gentle, obedient, filled with mercy and good deeds, impartial, and sincere.

B4 Characteristics of someone wise

C1 Is a believer

C2 Knows the Scriptures (by reading and studying daily)

C3 Interprets the Bible in its plain, normal sense

C4 Prays

C5 Has the fruit of the Spirit. See Galatians 5:22-26.

C6 Also, the Holy Spirit gifts some believers with wisdom. See 1 Corinthians 12:7-8.

C7 Will listen to a person without interruption except to clarify. Ask questions to clearly understand what the person is saying, then applying Scripture to the problem. The Scriptures might teach a law, a principle, or an example. (Note, some people need counseling for an issue and will need the professional counsel of a social worker, etc. It is not evil to do so. Nevertheless, be aware and test all things (1 Thessalonians 5:21)).

05 December 2018

Many Forms of Abusive Behavior

A good article to inform us of the many forms of abuse. No one should experience abuse. Sometimes, it is confusing to know, so we might wonder, "Is this abuse?"

You should read the entire article.

The 8 Types of Abusive Behavior

By Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC

Aaron wrongly believed that the only type of abuse was physical and then only if it left a mark. This is a common misunderstanding in our culture. When he took some time to review the different types of abuse, he realized that he experienced it in his marriage, from his parents, and on occasion was guilty of abusive behavior as well.
There are many other ways a person can be abused. Abuse can be manipulation, exploitation, maltreatment, neglect, violence, cruelty, harm, hurt, ill-treatment, and exploitive. The seven main ways it is manifested is through physical, mental, verbal, emotional, financial, sexual and spiritual. Legal abuse is very specific and is not readily seen, however, it does occur. The following list is not inclusive but rather provides an opportunity to explore, evaluate and discuss any potentially destructive behavior.
Aaron used this list as a checklist, marking up his and other’s errors in behavior. Awareness is the first step to stopping abuse.
Physical Abuse. Has the victim experienced:
  • Intimidation – Bullying by standing over, looking down, or getting “in your face” and then refusing to back off.
  • Isolation – Limiting the ability to escape from or abandoning in dangerous situations.
  • Restraint – Confines by blocking a doorway, grabbing when trying to leave, locking doors with no key, or tying up.
  • Aggression – Hitting, kicking, punching, arm twisting, pushing, beating, shoving, biting, slapping, striking with an object, throwing objects, shaking, pinching, choking, hair pulling, dragging, burning, cutting, stabbing, strangling, and force-feeding (including overdose or misuse of drugs/alcohol).
  • Endangerment – Verbal threats of killing mixed with physical violence and use of weapons.
Mental Abuse. Has the victim experienced:

05 December 2016

Sin Has No Excuse

Often the excuse for some sin is "I was raised that way," or "I can't help it, because I was abused." Now abuse is horrible and has no excuse, but for an abuser or any other sin that cannot be an excuse.

Here is an excellent article by Pastor Jeff Crippen. It is addressed mainly to narcissistic abusers, but it certainly applies to all sinners.
It is quite common for abusers to claim that they were abused when they were children and, when cornered, offer this as an excuse for their abuse of others. We must not permit them to do so. Let me explain why.
Firstly, there are many, many, many people in this world who were abused as children but who are not abusers themselves. And there are abusers who were not abused as children. The one simply does not automatically lead to the other (ie, childhood abuse produces abusers).Secondly, the Lord does not accept this as an excuse for wickedness. Each of us...
 If you are abused, know someone who is abused, or if you are an abuser, then this ministry can help you.

Read the rest here:

19 July 2016

Can Abusers Change?

When dealing with narcissists, psychopaths, and various types of abusers, it is important to know truth. The false truth that they spout is to be recognized and resisted. The abused must leave. In this short piece, some good advice is given.

Can Abusers Change?

To say that abusers cannot change removes responsibility for sin. They can change, but the vast majority choose not to, which is what the experts state. When God punishes them, their punishment is just. Abusers have options for treatment and are accountable.
Once the marriage covenant is broken through abuse, the abused partner does not need to stay in the marriage waiting for the abuser to change. The abuser's recovery is a separate issue and his change is his own responsibility, not his wife's. This is the mistake most churches make. These churches have over-sentimentalized marriage and are legalists.
The article is short but to the point. The web site is Crying out for Justice.  They are on Facebook as well.

If you or a member of your family, or if you are in a church situation where the pastor or other leaders are abusers, this is a helpful site. Again one must leave abuse.

God bless.